she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
