I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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