Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
