how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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