she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
