What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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