Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
