If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
