That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
