she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
