so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
