i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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