Plan B is the new Plan A
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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