Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
