YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
