Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
