after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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