i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
