just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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