So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
