I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
