he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
