Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
