Your tits are I can't wait for
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
