She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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