He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no you cant smoke seaweed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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