$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
