i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
