I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
