This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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