The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
