so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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