dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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