if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I want her autograph on my taint
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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