My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
