all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
