Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
