I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
