Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
