I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize