Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
