Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
