yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
