The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
