summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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