Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
