So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
