All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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