i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
