Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
