Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
