i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
