I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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