jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am available for nakedness
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
